Help Our Veterans!!!

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Below is an email sent from Aaron Reddin. Please read it and understand that this is not something far away that concerns people you’ll never know. The city of Little Rock, more specifically, Mayor Stodola, has an embarrassing record of the mistreatment of the needy in our community. The spread stereo types and mis information and to be honest, I’m pissed off and sick of it. Let’s put change this idiocy.

Without your support, the city board of directors may pass an ordinance that can prevent the veterans’ day resource center from relocating from its current run down dilapidated home to its new location at the corner of 10th and Main

Here are four things you can do today to support our friends at the VA in their effort to move to a facility that give them more room and more resources to serve our veterans.

1. Attend the City Board Meetingtoday (2/7) at 6:00p.m. at City Hall (corner Markham and Broadway)

2. Sign petition to support Arkansas Vets.

3. Leave messages of support for Arkansas Vets on the blog and guestbook atwww.supportarkansasveterans. com.

4. Share the word and friend us on our Facebook page “Support Arkansas Veterans”.

Here are some facts about the current facility.

· The current veteran center functions to help veterans who are homeless get off of the streets and intohousing.
· The current building is not adequate. It is far too small to house the services needed. It is dilapidated and has leaks, bugs, and rodents.
· The employees are two to three to an office and there is not enough confidentiality or space to provide adequate services. Veterans have to eat in shifts because there is not enough dining space. There is not enough space during the meetings for the veterans to sit. They have to stand up around the edges of the room. There is only bathroom for all the veterans to share and there is no separate bathroom for the women or children.
· There are not hordes of homeless people standing around the current center. When the center closes the veterans leave the area to return to shelters or to their own residences. · The current center has been in operation for 20 years without major incident.
· The number of veterans being served is growing and there will be an influx as they return from the recent conflicts.
· Sadly, there is a growing number of young men and women and their children who are being served by the center.

Things I Don’t Understand: Flavors

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If you know me, you know that I like to eat all the time and am bald. You may also know that I like to find out the answers to random questions. I come from a long line of inquisitive people dating all the way back to my great-great-grate-gr8-grandpappy, Sean Colin Patrick McCliftonosullivan. (pictured below)

They may take our lives! But they'll never take OUR CURIOSITY!!!!

Anyway, the way I see it is that I’ve got all the information in the world at my fingertips, so why should I continue to not know how big a Great White shark can be? Or how many teeth sharks have? Or how many shark attacks occur annually?* So I like to know trivial things so I can stomp my family in Trivial Pursuit (I’m looking at you, Jessica). But I’ve come to find that there are some things I will never know or understand, even if I Google them. One such thing is flavors.
*My son is currently going through a shark phase…

FLAVORS

Now I’m not talking about how naturally occurring things like strawberries, kiwis, bubblicious or cows taste. No. Not those things. I’m talking about how they get those freaking Buttered Popcorn Jelly Bellies to taste exactly like buttered popcorn. Seriously. I can’t even begin to hypothesize how someone was able to conjure that up. Some stoner scientist was able to mix up some chemicals and figure out which ones would make buttered popcorn. I say “stoner” scientist because you know he didn’t just nail it right off the bat. It was probably attempt 6,709 before he got it right and he had to have tested the others. More than that, do you think the failed attempts tasted like burnt popcorn? Popcorn without butter? Orange soda? WHO KNOWS?! I don’t. That’s why I named this “Things I Don’t Understand”, ya dullard! But I digress…. I seriously cannot wrap my head around the fact that something that is clearly not a blueberry, and never was a blueberry, can taste like a blueberry! The process of cloning makes more sense to me than how Starburst can make a chewy square of sugar taste like a dang strawberry.

Another thing I don’t understand about flavors is how they come up with them. Sometimes a candy is labeled “Orange” and tastes nothing like an orange. In which case, maybe they’re just betting what the color orange tastes like? The main culprit in this case is watermelon. I have never, in my 20+ years and 20+ cavities encountered a candy labeled “Watermelon” that tastes like a real watermelon. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love the “watermelon flavor” that candy companies use because they’re always the most delicious. If you disagree, I challenge you to a duel at dawn in the valley. But what happened there? I bet they went through a zillion different combinations and eventually said, “Screw it! Number 154,896 tasted freaking great! Let’s just go with that!” Yeah… That’s probably exactly what happened.

So the next time you bite into a delicious Jelly-Belly, Starburst or other artificially flavored thing, just think about all the amazing advances in modern science that got us to this point. You’re welcome.
What’s your favorite flavor?? 


P.S. We adopted our baby this week! Lizah Cruz is her name and being outrageously adorable is her game! Thank you to everyone for your prayers and financial support!!!

An Interview With The Titillating Tyler Transformer Tarver

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The other night, while Tyler and I were checking our stock portfolios, reading the WSJ and smoking pipes in smoking jackets, we began to discuss how to go about doing the interview for his new BOOK THAT YOU CAN BUY HERE. After much grown-up discussion, mainly about dinosaurs and how crappy Tyler did while speaking at a 5th Quarter the other night, we decided this: I ask questions and write responses based on how I think he will answer said questions and he answers the questions the way he would normally answer them. “Brilliant!!!” You say? Indeed. It is. But you should get back to work as one of those creepy, paper Guinness spokesguys.

Anyway, here’s the amazing, earth-shattering, ground-breaking, bowel-boiling, hyphenated-wording interview you’ll ever read in the next 5-8 minutes.

 

Hello, Tyler. How are you today?

Meh, I’m pretty. Tried spam for the first time today and it gave me a pretty hearty case of alcohol. Which sucks cause I don’t drink so I had to sell it on eBay and got arrested and then shot.

 

HAHAHA That’s so typical of you. Which Tyler are you named after?

Some dude who was tiling my parents house around nine months before I was born.

 

Ah, yes. That person is my favorite Tyler in the history of Tylerdom. Tell me a little about your life.

Well, I was less than 5 feet tall until 8th grade. Then I started listening to little Wayne about a year or 2 ago. That’s about all the little’s I got. My son is short but he’s one.

 

I love hang-gliding, too! What a coincidence! Tell us about your book (that you haven’t freaking given me a copy of yet).

Well, I haven’t quite sold enough to pay for all the free ones I gave to the people who helped me write it. Had you responded to my email with the rough draft with any sort of advice or acknowledgment that you received it, you have been at the top of my list like To-Do. Mmmm, smell that? It’s you getting burned. Too well done for my taste.

 

 

Well, if that doesn’t sound like a book with a title and words inside, I don’t know what does! You know what I mean?

Of course I don’t.

 

Of course you do. That’s why we’re so perfect for each other. If you’re a bird I’m a bird. Name that movie!

What is The Notebook, sir.

 

Ahhh, close! I was looking for “What is The Notebook” Anyway, I think this interview is going really well and that we’re breaking some serious ground on a interviewing medium that will take the news world by storm! How do you feel it’s going?

Feels kinda soft, it could workout more. But who am I to judge? Oh, I’m Uncle Phil and Judy’s illegitimate offspring? That explains that.

 

I’m glad you think it’s going amazingly as well! So you’re a math teacher with a degree in basically the opposite of math. What’s the deal with that? (In Jerry Seinfeld voice)

It’s easier to get a job teaching math cause most people are idiots and/or not you. Nah, jk Rowling, I tried to switch over to history but they keep giving it to all the coaches and crap. Plus I enjoy counting dolla bills.

 

Interesting response to my previous question. Well, I guess my last thing would be to ask you to give everyone one, single-sentence reason about why they should buy a copy of your book.

So my kid can eat this week.

 

Good job, Tyler! Great reason! TTYL!

I E> U.

Silly Satan, Tricks Are For Kids

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So if you don’t already know, my wife and I got back from an amazing, life-altering mission trip to a small village called Karagoto in Kenya. I’d venture to say that one Believer in this 3rd world village has more of the Holy Spirit and trust in the Lord than about 80% of Christians in America, myself included. I’d like to share a story of one of those believers.

We attended a church service and it’s customary for new members/visitors of the church to come up and tell a story and/or sing a song in front of the congregation. A woman with 3 children came to the front and began to tell her story.

To give you a brief history of what she went through, in 2007-2008 violence between tribes broke out in Kenya after an election took place. (More detail) The violence was primarily against 3 of the 42 tribes in Kenya. The Kikuyu and Luhya (I believe?) were 2 of the 3 main targets. During this time there were 1.300 people killed over a 2-month period because they belonged to a certain tribe. Internal “displaced persons” camps are still in Kenya asa result of the 650,000 people who were driven out or fled for their lives during the violence. (SITE)

So, going back to the woman with children in church. Her story begins during that time of violence. She is a Luhya and married a Kikuyu man.

She told the story of how they were forced to leave their home and everything in it because it was burned.

She told everyone about how her daughter (who can’t be older than 11 currently) was almost raped by the men forcing them out, but she escaped.

She told us about how everyone in the vehicle traveling behind them was murdered.

She told everyone in that church that she praises God and gives Him all the glory because her family was protected.

Let’s run through this again. A woman, who is in a village with nothing (they took up a love offering of food, clothes and money for her and her family) because her home had been burned down; whose daughter of about 7 was almost raped and who saw her people murdered was giving praise to God because her family made it out alive

There’s this thing that I regained in hearing her story called perspective. Instead of questioning why God would allow such terrible atrocities in her life or feeling sorry for herself, she stood up in front of a church and told a different story. Not a story of personal hardship to gain sympathy, but a story of an amazing God who deserves praise all the time. Especially in our time of misery and trials.

I felt the need to share this story because I think we all need to regain perspective.

While we were away, Satan was hard at work making sure we’d get thrown off and start stressing about things. But God prepared our hearts for such trivial tricks with an incredible story of a woman and her family who endured things that I can’t even imagine having to go through. So instead of writing about all the things that went wrong while we were away, which is honestly what I originally planned to do, I’m going to make sure that God is glorified and give you a list of answered prayers and God’s love that took place while we were gone.

Safely traveling through roughly 48 hours of air-travel and a weeks worth of driving in Kenya (they don’t have many traffic signs or well-paved roads in Kenya)

Our children’s safety while they stayed with our parents

Our families’ health and safety

The opportunity to be blessed by people who love us for no reason other than we showed up

Relationships that will last a lifetime with our teammates and the people of Karagoto

A realigned perspective to help us understand that God is in control of everything and the more we try to take things over, the more we screw them up

A heart and mind that has been ruined by people who live through daily hardships most of us never experience in a lifetime and still love the Lord and rely on Him fully

—–

I don’t want to make anyone feel like their trials aren’t important. I understand that just because your house wasn’t burned down and your daughter wasn’t almost raped, doesn’t mean you aren’t enduring a difficult time in your life. I just hope that this can serve as a reminder that the same God who delivered that woman from her trials into safety can deliver you from your broken relationships, mounting debt, depression, powerlessness, addiction, and everything else. We just have to trust Him to do what he said he would do.

  • But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit (Titus 3:4-5).
  • I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen (Ephesians 3:16-21).

And We’re Off!!!

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At 12 noon EST today my wife and I should be on a plane bound for Africa! Since I’ll be gone for a couple of weeks with no access to inernets or nothin’, I’ve decided to compile a to-do list like when you’re a kid during the summer and your mom leaves a list of stuff for you to do before she or your dad gets home from work, like “Mow, Clean Room, Clean Kitchen, Put everything on this list off until about 15 minutes before you think we’ll be home”. Normal stuff. I’ve also got some prayer requests in here, so look at those, too.

  • Either make sure that the debt-ceiling debate nonsense is solved and/or throw everyone out of office. EVERYONE.
  • Pray that my wife doesn’t kill me during a 16 hour plane ride.
  • Pray that God will fill both of us with a spirit of peace and confidence when we start to miss our kids and our families.
  • Do not let another Kardashian-based “reality” show come out.
  • Do the dishes.
  • Pray that we allow God to change us and grow closer to Him.
  • Organize my jars of toe nail clippings by date and toe. (Oldest to Newest; Piggy that went to Market to Piggy that went WEE WEE WEE alllll the way home)
  • Pray that we will be so changed by our experience in another country that we’ll come back to find new ways to expand His kingdom and glorify His name at home and in our local communities.
  • Clean your room.
  • Find a way to ship our kids to us, because I don’t know that I’m going to want to leave.
That’s it! See you guys in about 10 days! (If I come back)

Vibram Fiverfingers (AKA Shock and Awe)

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For Father’s Day, my wife got me some Vibram Fivefinger shoes, which are just slightly better than what I got her for Mother’s Day (a high-five). Apparently these shoes are also the only thing people will talk about when they see you wearing them. This is a picture of my shoes on my feets.

As you can clearly see, these shoes don’t look “cool”. Or “normal”, for that matter. #1 question I’ve heard while wearing them in public: “Those things comfortable?”

Take a good, long look at those shoes up there. Now pay attention to what you’re about to read. Real close. Like, if there was going to be a test and 100% of your grade depended on whether or not you can remember what I type exactly as it’s typed. Ready?

If these shoes weren’t comfortable, why in the H-E-Doubly hockey sticks would I wear them in public?

They’re U-G-L-Y, they ain’t got no alibi. They ugly. They they they ugly. But for realz, my wardrobe consists of T-shirts and jeans or shorts (not jorts, though. Not yet, anyway) I don’t wear stuff to make people look at me and think, Well, apparently someone didn’t get enough attention as a child.  I’m the baby of the family. I got plenty of attention. Just ask my parents.

My point is that I’m not wearing this incredibly ridiculous footwear to make people look at me, I wear them because they’re incredibly comfortable on my abnormally flat feet. So if you see someone wearing these and you have to ask them about how they feel, go with something unique like “How many pencils can you pick up with those on your feet?”* or “How long did it take you to get used to how those feel?” or “How high can you jump in those?”. Mix it up like a bag of trail mix.

Beyond people asking how they feel, I’ve encountered people who act like it’s a statement against to their religion when I’m wearing these shoes. One guy went so far as to mumble about how “Those are the dumbest things…. I don’t know why anyone would wear them… I’m no genius, but I don’t know how those are supposed to be good for your feet”. Well, at least he nailed one thing. A lady, whom I’ve known for a long time and likes to give me a hard time anyway started giving me crap about it and slipped a “Well, I just couldn’t do it” in there, so I said “I’m not asking you to”. Clifton with the 3 at the buzzer!!

In summation,** if you haven’t found one pair of shoes that don’t even kind of hurt your feet, try these shoes. They’re amazing. But be warned: People will randomly ask you dumb questions.

What do you think about the amount of hair I have on my legs in that picture?

*I’ve picked up 2.

** That was my go to for ending a presentation in college.

TGIF: Video

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TGIF, am I right? That’s Gary Inferno Fishsticks! This Got Indecent Fast! Theodore Griswold’s Incomprehensible Fashion! There Goes Internet Fascism! They Got It Free! ThIs has Gone too Far.

Watch this video below these words. It was a video done by a guy I talked to on the phone yesterday while he was mowing his lawn. You want a quote from that conversation? Here you go:

Me: “It’s really hard to hear you.”

Tyler: “Sorry, I’m talking into this upside. Are my words coming out upside down?”

Me: “Yes.”

He said he wants his video to get a virus or go viral or whatevs, so share this with you friends, family, people you don’t know very well, people you hate, that guy in the cubicle next to you who tries to cover up his farts by coughing really loud, but everyone knows exactly what he’s doing. WATCH THIS VIDEO.